Friday, November 19, 2004

My wife and children are visiting Washington D.C. and my niece Lenoure. They are staying overnight. I am lonely just thinking of them not being home when I get out of work! At least the dog will be there. Poor me..... I am at work now with all my work done. I will be off for a few days with much packing to do! We are going back to Florida at the end of the month. I have enjoyed being here again. I was welcomed warmly by everyone. It has been nice to be here and challenging at the same time. I look forward to FL and also look forward to going across the country after that. This adventure we are on is very trying at times. I love doing this with my family and do think it is the right thing to do, but there are times...... For instance; if only we could up and go to each assignment and not have to do any of the packing, or cleaning, or driving.... that would be nice! I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I look forward to what's in store for us. Gotta go my wife's on the phone!!

Saturday, October 23, 2004

I know that my way is the right way to see it!!.........................................
The ways in which a man and a woman can misunderstand each other is incredible. My wife and I were going out golfing the other day. It was rather nippy in the air at 8 in the morning here in VA. My wife suggested to me that perhaps I could wear my pullover that we got at a tournament we played in a few years back, " Then we would match!", she said with a grin. My reply was exactly what I think most men would say in this situation. "NO way!" She clearly felt that I was being nasty, so as I went back into the house, I slipped it on so that she would be pleased. I could tell she felt honored by my gesture... which is what I was trying to do. On the ride we discussed this issue. Here are the two completely differing opinions on the subject from a man and a woman.
I told her that to me, wearing a matching oufit shows the world that here is a man who is a pussy. He is pushed around by his wife, she wears the proverbial pants in that family! He can't make his own decisions, she even dresses him; like one of her children! I can hear people in the distance saying........poor guy; she's emasculated him. Here is where I layed it on thick and told her that though all these things are true, I was still willing to wear it because I love you and want to please you, even at the expense of my reputation as a man.
She then tells me that for me to be offended at the idea of wearing matching outfits is an insult to her! That contrary to what I was saying, it shows that I am a real man who is willing to identify with his woman and tell the world that we are one as a couple. A man who is not afraid of what others think. It makes her sad that I didn't want to wear a matching outfit. My unwillingness is a reflection somehow on how I feel about her. I got the sense that she was somewhat dumbfounded that I wasn't excited at the opportunity to be dressed up in similar garb.
It confuses me how wrong she can be about why I didn't want to wear the pullover. It equally confounds her why I don't "get it". I sometimes think I understand my wife, but situations like that one remind me that I have a lot to learn. Actually, I think I have officially given up on trying to understand the ways of a woman. I am resolved to just accept the fact that I will never understand. I'm OK with never "getting it". Men are different than women............THANK GOD!!

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Why is it so difficult to take care of myself?
It has been so long since I have worked out to keep myself in shape. I feel I am so far from in shape that it is difficult to even do light workouts every other day! This is poor. I am not happy with this but it will not get any better unless I start somewhere. I was in such good shape when I was younger. I am not young anymore. I have been working out for a couple weeks now with my wife and it does feel good to feel my muscles again. However it is tough to not get discouraged easily. It's like a spiritual battle for my physical health! Some may say that I gotta just DO IT!! Well, I want to and we are just doing it despite our feelings of not wanting to. It just amazes me. I have incredible powers of self-deception. No one on earth made me eat too much food to get this big and out of shape. I did it to myself. I HATE THAT!! I would be lost at this point if my wife was not with me encouraging me to work out. She is in much better shape than I am. She has muscles. I have skin over some fatty tissue, attached to bone. OK it's not that bad. I can sense my self-pity coming through now. I just ask for others to pray for me to not quit and to just do it. There is a spirit of evil in the world and I am in daily battle against it. The Lord gives me victory daily in many areas, but I have remained fat. I do not want this. I find it hard to believe the Lord wants me out of shape. HE loves me more than I love myself. I thank God for getting me to work outs all these mornings. I guess if I just keep trusting in Him and humble myself, (by not listening to the self delusional thinking in the morning and just coming down to work out), then the weight will come off in His time and the muscle will build.....one day at a time.

Monday, September 20, 2004

When did protection become a bad thing??......................................
I was in the nurses lounge the other day, which consists of a table and chairs with a fridge. There were a group of 5-6 women nurses, aides, and our wonderful secretary Demetria; she affectionately (I hope), calls me Moos-olini!--instead of Mullaney. Well, they were discussing children. One nurse said something like,
" You have to be a fool these days to not get your daughters on the pill as soon as they have their period. You know they are gonna fool around as soon as they can".
I was kind of surprised to hear her say this. I was even more taken aback to hear all the women at the table nod in agreement saying," Shore- do, you don't ever lie! You got that right."
Then I made the mistake (probably), of opening my own pie hole and offering my unsolicited opinion. " I don't agree with that at all!"
Well, this was met with some more comments.
"Oh Dan, you don't think your girl is lookin for a boy? You don't know what she's doin all the time. She out there and when you turn your back, she say-- I'm goin out to play dad bye. Then she go around the corner and she be doin the wild thing with the boys in ther neighborhood!"
"I don't think my daughter would do that. I trust my girls".
"Oh, Dan.....you naive! I can't believe you think she's not lookin to do that."
Well, they went on and on of how I am just naive. It really bothered me to allow them to walk away thinking that I was wrong and they were right. I hate letting people think they are right when I really think they are wrong and I am right. It's humbling to say nothing and allow others to think what they think without me trying to straighten them out!! OK perhaps you can see that it is actually arrogant for me to think that I am right and they are wrong, or to even think that I can change their minds to see things my way instead of the way they see things. After this event, I had some more sober thinking about it, which generally happens when I can step away from a volatile situation long enough to think things through.
What was happening to me while I was in the conversation? Well, I was getting defensive, feeling threatened by their surety that I was naive and my daughters were practicing deciet against my wife and I. I had fear of their opinions of me at that moment because I was saying something different than them, and I was also practicing SOME restraint over my tongue because I could sense in some people's tone of voice that my opinion was foreign to their understanding of the situation and that this was not the place to lay my thoughts on the subject before them on the table--remember, they never asked me what I thought! Boy.....there was a LOT going on in my head huh? That's usually the case isn't it? We are usually thinking so many things at once that it's difficult to even remember what we were thinking sometimes. When I got home, I spoke with my wife and daughters about it all. Poor Grace was getting downright agitated at THOSE women and wanted to go down there and straighten them out!! (I don't know where she gets that attitude).
I'm glad I stopped talking. Things are different for me and my children. They are with their mother all day everyday. When your child is not with you all day, but is surrounded only by people of the exact same age as them, then there really is a threat to their purity. There is a proverb written thousands of years ago by King solomom that says, " The companion of fools suffers harm." While I do not believe children are fools, I think most people would agree that children do foolish things. There is another proverb that says, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child." I don't really have a definitive point here, just that we think it is better for children to spend most of their time with adults who love them than with other children. People who know us, know that our children are very sociable. We allow them to play with other children but only when we feel it is a safe environment. We do our best anyway. We are not perfect, but we think that protecting them from poor influences is our job as their parents. Some say that this is unrealistic and will harm them in the long run because they will not learn how to deal with real life situations in the real world. I feel that people who claim this are unthinking. What is more real; living each day with different people around you of different ages all the time, being forced to interact and communicate daily with people of all ages,
or being forced to sit at a desk with people all the same age as you, day in and day out for twelve or more years! We do not protect our children from real life-----we thrust it upon them!
To protect our children from evil; this we see as an important job. The evidence is in the children themselves. What are my children like? Do they appear stunted because of all the protection we have been providing them? I don't think so. Using an extreme to make a point, you do not have to get addicted to crack to know that it is a bad thing to get addicted to crack. Likewise, my children do not have to engage in certain adolescent behavior that is harmful to them to know that it is harmful to them. The scriptures tell us to be innocent in the ways of evil. We do our best to accomplish this. I hope and pray that others are doing their best to keep their children pure too. I alway remember too, that our children never have to even leave the house to be surrounded by people who sin everyday. I love my children. We will continue to do our best to raise them up to be godly people, who will contribute to the betterment of society. I know my life is better because of their presence.

Back in Virginia...............
I feel like we never left. All those I once worked with have welcomed me back with open arms. Almost all the people I worked with before are still here. It is such a pleasure to work with Sharon, and Aris again. It's nice to already know what is expected of me and to be able to do it. I am looking forward to living in VB for the next 3 months. Our place is very nice; better than the last one. While it was nice to have a house in MD, I am glad we are not in a house this time. It is such a relief to not have a lawn, to not have so many rooms to keep clean, and I guess it just is easier to live in an apartment complex-style place. They have maintanence to help with any troubles you have. Speaking of troubles......apparently the movers did not install the washer correctly, and it had a leak in one of the pipes. We noticed it right away, but not before the damage was done. Maintenance called while I was at the home depot getting a hose to fix it, to inform us that water was gushing through the ceiling into the bathroom of the tennants below us. Isn't that a nice way to say....HOWDY neighbor!! They were nice about it, but we feel bad for them. It was completely the movers fault and we rectified their error. Unfortunately our neighbors will first remember us as the ones who flooded the bathroom and ruined the drywall as well. Oh well, there are some things out of our control. I hate that.
I am now typing a few weeks into our stay. I get away from typing at times. It has been interesting so far. Miss Diggs, whom I mentioned in much earlier blogs, is as funny as ever. If she's thinkin' it, she's sure gonna say it soon! And when she does, it sets us all to laughter. She is a very down to earth woman. She has a heart e as good as gold. I've already accumulated many stories to come home to the children with. I love telling them how the day has gone and we usually are laughing hysterically with each other almost every night! I want to be them all more than anybody else. What a blessing that is. My children are a pleasure to be with. There are many who do not echo that sentiment. Perhaps it's not for everyone; spending all the time you can with your family. The way I see it for me is, soon they will be gone and on their own. They are with us such a short time. Even if they remain with us till they're 20, it is a short time n the scheme of life. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for all of us. I am going to stop here because I want to write a different blog about some things that have happened this week at work............bye!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

OK.......stress comes out in different people in different ways.....even when you all live in the same household! Today my wife made a delicious dinner for us all in the early afternoon. After we did most of our packing into the truck, we all sat down for a nice dinner. Well; the complaints were going around the table like a waterman after crabs. My potato is hard; do I have to eat broccoli?; Why didn't you make mashed? Which led to me asking others to please not have any complaints for the rest of the meal. This lasted.........until they opened their mouths again. It was beginning to now annoy my wife. Her voice raised up a couple of decibels, which for some reason my eldest daughter thinks she must raise her voice a couple of decibels also. I asked her to please lower her voice,( and you know I did it in a very controlled, gentle, and calm manner..........:)), she became very upset with herself, not realizing that she offered up a complaint after we had just discussed not complaining. The melee that followed was nothing short of comical. "You #$%@#*#...idiot!", she said. I'm glad that all she had in her hand at that moment was a half of a potato. Had it been something hard, I'm not sure I would be here today typing this thing! WELL!, what to do next, I thought. She loses her temper like this so rarely that it's difficult to not laugh. Yes she needs to be directed to a better way of expressing herself. Yes I was shocked as I was pulling potato out of my ear. Most of all I knew that, YES, she felt embarrassed or ashamed of losing her cool in such a way. She went outside. I could not really control the laughter as I looked next to me at my redheaded daughter eating her meal with pieces of potato in her hair. She seemed unfazed by the whole thing! Michael went after his sister to make sure she was OK. He came back and refused to say where she was but only that she was safe and did not know how she could possibly apologize for doing such a thing. To this, I informed him privately to go back to his sister and tell her that Mr. Potato head would like to speak with her. I know my daughter well enough to realize that this would bring a grin to her face. While she may make mistakes in life, (like all of us), it really doesn't take her long to humble herself and own up to her faults. She did return with Michael and came in the house with a humble spirit. At first I wasn't sure whether she came back to place a dollop of sourcream on the top of my head and sprinkle it with bacon bits, or to just apologize. She quickly took responsibility and admitted she had no idea why she threw it at me, "'Cause you didn't even do anything!" she said. I knew this....but it was nice to hear her say this too. My mother said something to me once that has always stayed with me. " If I could give you one thing Dan it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you; then you would know what a truly wonderful person you are". I still struggle with believing this. I do not however struggle with wanting to express this very same sentiment to each of my own children. Hmmmm......interesting.
This was some afternoon. I dare say I probably won't have another one quite like it. As I type, I have a moderate amount of confidence that these types of "messy" scenarios take place in most families out there. I take delight in knowing that I am loved just as I am by my wife and children. I want to foster the same kind of acceptance of one another between the children as well as they grow into adulthood. We are not the perfect family. We do love one another. The home is the place to learn to behave properly. It is our training ground. I love it!! I give each of my children permission to screw up daily. That is how we learn. Practice, practice, practice. For the most part we are loving the learning process. It is quite.............. the education!

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Here we go again!........
WE are heading back to Virginia. I will be working at the same place I worked before. If you read my earlier posts you can learn a little about the people there. As we are about to leave Maryland, my wife commented that I haven't written much about my work here in MD. Well, I guess that says something right there! It has not been the best assignment ever. The hospital is in disrepair. They are currently working on the unit I am on so that means we only have 18 beds. This bodes well for our nurse to patient ratio. I DO like that! However everything is in such disarray that it is difficult to find things. They also have been floating me to other floors which makes it difficult because I can't find stuff on the other floors either because I've never been there! Enough complaining. The people here have been nice to me. I have been doing rotating shifts. Mostly days but some nights. I have rather enjoyed the night shifts here...... In moderation! I live about 25 miles from the hospital so it makes for a tough ride home. I almost fall asleep everytime! It is much more peaceful at night. The night staff are very laid back and I like that. The tough time is between 3 and 5am. Just stay awake is what I tell myself. I started working at the same time as 2 other travelers. One is Mary. This is her first travel assignment. If I may say so........ SHE IS KOOKOO!!! I mean that in the best way possible.... It seems like everything always happens to Mary. She is constantly facing crises with her patients. I believe the only thing all the different patients had in common ...............was Mary! I do my best to keep my distance as I could easily get sucked in to the negativity. The other one I started with was Sharlene. She seems like a nice woman. She is a jehovah's witness. I think she's new to their religion. My understanding of the scriptures comes from personal study for the past 19 years. I can say without a doubt that Jehovah's witnesses are not witnesses of the true God named Jehovah. I hate that they call themselves that because true believers are the ones who are a witness to God. Their beliefs are unscriptural to say the least. Anyways.... I had quite the discussion with her the other night that caused her to pull out her own bible that was printed by the watchtower society. I hope that the things I said will cause her to read the bible honestly, and hopefully come to know our one true creator in heaven. As far as the other people I work with, they all seem nice but perhaps I have just not allowed myself to get too close with anyone? I'm not sure why. I do enjoy kibbitsing with Brian and Bridget. They are the heart monitor techs. Brians last name is jones and bridget's is smith. I keep tellin them to get married and then she could write Bridget Jones diary! To which she tells me with that southern drawl, "Dan....you craaazy". Brian is a young 19 year old full of life. He can't drive right now because he has a bazillion speeding tickets. I look at him and forget that I am so old, I could be his father!! I still think I am a young guy. I just turned 41!! That is scary. I remember being 19. It was a few months back! Well, I think I'll stop writing for now.

On a more personal note; I got a birthday card from my sister the other day. I was lying in my bed relaxing, not really thinking about much as I do many times. I opened it, and must tell you that it brought tears to my eyes. It was such a blessing to read the sweet words she had to say to me. I love that woman!! She reminds me so much of our mother. She has a big heart. Her hubby is one blessed man. Thank you shosh!

Monday, July 26, 2004

I haven't had any coffee all day today.  I have a raging headache!!  This will pass I guess.   I don't like the feeling.  I took some tylenol but it hasn't touched the headache.   To top it off, I have to stay up all night at work.  This is difficult.  Catherine and I are both taking a break from caffeine.  I hate this!  However, it is something I am volunteering to do.  I don't have to do it.  I am choosing to do this.  AHHHHH!!!!!  My head!  Well, I must remember that it does get better.  When I did this before it only gave me a headache for a day or so.  I am almost done with the hard part.  Maybe I could have a cup of coffee to celebrate!  I must admit, I drink coffee for effect and not for taste.  I enjoy water much more, but the coffee gets me goin so to speak.  It gives me energy.  How is that different than when I used to do "other things" to keep me going?   I don't really see the difference.  Maybe because it's easily accesible and a socially acceptable thing to do?  I know I don't want to HAVE to have something to get through the day.  I am at that point with coffee, so I am glad we are doing this...... even though I don't like it.  Sometimes I have to do what I don't want to do, in order to get the desired results I always wanted.  My desired results?  To not be a slave in any way to anything.   I think it will also help me to exersise, and eat good foods.  I enjoy healthy foods, so I don't know why I struggle so with eating right.  I have made myself far heavier than I should be.  No one has done this to me but me.  I am  not pleased to be so overweight.  I need to take better care of myself.  I miss being active as I was when I was younger.   I have a wife who is willing to become more active.  Help me lord to do what needs to be done.   In many ways, I feel so weak.  I am weak but he is strong right?  I'd like to type that I will lose 50 pounds by the end of the year, but I have such little confidence in my ability to come through on such a promise.  Lord direct my thinking.  Change my heart so that I can see things more clearly.  You have made me able to live properly and to be able to enjoy life.    I want to do this.  Show me the way, and please give me the willingness to follow your way.     

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

We have another visitor with us this week. It is a pleasure for my family when we can have certain extended family members visit us on our journey. Joan is here with us this week; Catherine's mom. They went on a skipjack yesterday. She is an interesting woman. I think she was probably quite the risk taker when she was younger. I see where my wife gets her free spirit.
We are not sure yet where we are going next. It may be to Virginia again. I called the place I worked at before and they may be interested in me coming for a short term stay; maybe 13 weeks. We want to go someplace on this coast as we are definitely going to Florida again this winter. Plan your vacations now! Let us know when you want to visit. I sort of wish we were going right to Florida from here because the golf would be soooo cheap! Then we could just not play during peak season. I don't care if it's hot. It would be kind of nice to be at the same place from september to may. Or would it? I'm not sure. Well, the one thing we know is that we don't know where we are going. We're getting used to that.
It has been at times difficult to be here in Maryland. I think it's because we are such Bostonians deep down and don't know how to slow down. A part of me really likes the slower pace. I want the slower pace. Another part just keeps saying hurry up! I believe the Lord is doing some good things for my children here. Grace in particular has been really challenged. It's a few months of solace for her. She has met it like a mature person, and I am grateful she can speak to us about the struggles she is having. She is truly a blessing to our whole family. I personally think she's wicked smahht! I ask God to help me listen to her wisdom. I also ask for God to give me patience in dealing with a young adult who thinks she knows everything!! I guess it's true; it's hard to be humble when you're so awesome. This is the case with Grace. She is being run through the fire here in MD. Forced to sit with herself. I hope she comes to the same conclusions that her mother and I have; that she is a wonderful young adult entering gracefully into womanhood. I just hope she has the humilty to see it. WEll I gotta go now. I am tired. It's 4:15 in the morning . Nightshift can get very slow. All my patients are doing well but I must go check on them now.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Annapolis Maryland. I had never been there before. I was impressed with its looks. It was so different. The buildings were all so close together. The doors to peoples' house right there on the street! It reminded me somewhat of parts of Boston. We went to the Kunta Kinte exhibit that is located at the dock where they supposedly brought him in off the boat! When we were leaving, I looked back down the street and it reminded me of the film roots and the way it must have looked back then. I would describe it as a very picturesque place. I think we will visit there again before leaving. The thought didn't escape me that these are fleeting moments with our children. I am grateful to be here with them to enjoy these times. My children; while they can frustrate the heck out of me at times, they are truly a blessing. The day started out pretty wild as we went into the bank to do some banking. Mike wanted to stay in the car. OK I said. Just keep all the doors locked and don't come up front for any reason and we will be right back. Well, can you JUST GUESS what happened. About 6-7 minutes later, in walks Michael. "Hey you guys, I have to go to the bathroom."
"Do you have the keys?"
"No."
"Did you lock the car?"
When I think of how his face looked when asked this question, I can't help but laugh. We weren't laughing at that moment though. He was so frustrated with himself, he grabbed his own head in obvious agitation. Upon further investigation, the tailgate was open and we got in no problem.....phew!! And Michael got to go to the bathroom....pew!
just kidding.
Well then we hit the road for Annapolis. It took a couple of hours. When we got there, we stood at the side of the state house which was one of our destinations. Left or right? I chose right. We arrived at a big door which was locked. As we got there, a torrential downpour started. Michel and Katie were delighted cause they could now get completely soaked! ME? I had memories of my mother running through my head as I nastily said things like," Don't you dare get wet! Why did you do that? Now they won't let us in. We're gonna try and go in and they wont let YOU in!....'cause you're soaked." When did I get old? Regardless of my protestations, Michael and Katie were pretty much thoroughly soaked as we learned we were at a locked back entrance to the statehouse and could not go to the front because it was pouring out! As the rain let up we ran around to the "correct" side, and they even let Michael in as wet as he was. While there, I charged my cell phone in the MD state house foyer because my battery was low. This is the oldest state house still in operation in the country.....I did not know that. There were many interesting exhibits. I'm glad we went. I had fun. We had a wonderful dinner and then went to a souvenir shop or as my wife calls them, "the silva-neer shop. Sometimes we're suckers for these places. Be on the lookout... you may get one.
On the ride home we had many interesting discussions. One thing I can say about my children; they know how to have fun. We started talking about presidents and someone spoke of how Ronald Reagan won 43 states when he ran for president. As we sat in awe thinking of how anyone could win by such a large margin, Katie chimed in," That's pretty pathetic for the OTHER guy!" I personally had a hard time stopping my laughter. It was one of those times when tears start filling your eyes and you wish you could stop laughing because it hurts? It's funny, but that's what I'll remember about the trip to Annapolis most of all; the talks with the children in the car, and at dinner.
Well, we got home just in time to a dog with her legs crossed! She was so excited to see us but it was tempered by her intense need to relieve herself!
So, that was our trip to Annapolis. It was fun and educational. Most of our life is FULL of fun and education, woven together on this journey. We hope the children get a great education from the places we visit. So far it seems to be working.
who needs a desk?

Friday, July 02, 2004

Stay-free ultra-thin, regular with wings!!
What the heck does that have to do with anything?? Well, let me tell ya! I must remember this little mantra that I have created. Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings. When you repeat it over and over it can be put to a catchy tune. It helped me remember that this is something I must remember for the benefit of all the girls in my household. There was a time I'd probably be too self-conscious to buy these in a store. Now I walk up and down the aisle on this particular day because I am so tired that I don't want to forget. Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings. Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings. Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings! See! I didn't forget! My wife and children are very pleased with my memorization skills. But seriously; it's a good thing to take the time to know what it is they need. There are so many kinds!! A man could get lost! What the heck do they need wings for anyway?? Wings? Come on now. This type of discussion is just so...... unmacho! How do you talk about stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings in a manly kinda way? You just can't say that cool. It reminds me of when the children were still just babes and my wife would have me hold the diaper bag while she did something in a store. Did you ever try and look cool or manly holding a flowery diaper bag!! That is no small feat let me tell you! Or how manly and macho do you think I felt wearing a bunny suit to a Halloween party with my little girl? If you walk just right though you can still seem like a tough guy even in a bunny suit....or so I like to fool myself into thinking. But honestly these are the kinds of things you don't think about before having kids. I am glad to remember what they need at the store because I tell you I have bought the wrong thing more than once. If they have no wings.......forgetabout it! Go back and get the other ones; the ones with the wings! I say all this tongue in cheek because I would never have it any other way. I love my daughters and my wife. It's taken me a while to remember what kind to get but now I got it. In fact, I have to put it in my palm pilot so I can never forget it. Here I have been working hard and buying things for my wife and kids when all I had to do was remember Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings and they would all think I was a great husband and father because I knew what they needed.
These are the things we talk about at my house; and we laugh and laugh about it all. It is such a pleasure to be a part of my family. My children have a wonderful sense of humor. They make me laugh. Just last night we all were lying in my bed before I came to work for this night shift and were just enjoying each others' company. There is no place I would rather be than with my wife and children. That is a blessing. It seems I run into many men who do their best to get away from the family to have some time alone. It doesn't make sense to me. It's the best place for a husband and father to be. The children will be with us only a short 10 to 20 years and then they will be on their own. It is worth it to spend all the time I can with them now before they move on.... as they should, into the rest of their lives. I am so grateful for all the time I get to spend with them. It will be over too soon. Soon we will wish we could hear them yelling around the house. We will wish there were legos left on the floor to step on in the middle of the night;(boy do they hurt!). I am going to do my best to enjoy it all because you only live once and I want to enjoy them while they are with me. Soon I will have my wife to myself again. We have never lost focus that it is us raising them. And when we are done, then we will have each other back again completely. She is my best friend and I look forward to that day coming. But I will cherish the time I have with all the children because time flies by. I keep telling people I just turned forty, and the fact of the matter is that I turn 41 next month! I leave you with these words of wisdom: Stayfree ultra-thin regular with wings!

Saturday, June 26, 2004

I have been working hard and that is a good thing. God has made me able to earn a living so that my family can enjoy the benefits of our traveling life. I am a thankful man today for the family God has given me. The stay here in MD has been very different. We are set apart it seems from the rest of the world. It is so quiet here. Our neighbors have lived here forever! He is a waterman. He gets up at 3 and goes out and crabs all day. The have a lovely house with a nice pool. "Come over anytime, please! Use the pool whenever you want!" His wife says to us. They are extremely friendly! It really is a small place. The bay is beautiful all around us. It has given us opportunity to reflect on life. What is really important to us as a family? It has brought us closer together. We spend all our time together just about. I truly enjoy my children's company; what a blessing! Usually by the time they reach the teen years, there is conflict all the time! We are not experiencing that. Sure we get angry and frustrated with each other, but the Lord is keeping us together in spirit. I think a big part of that is praying for my children daily as well as having a wife who does the same. We try and read the scriptures together each day too. It has been so exciting to see how far Michael has come in his reading. It brings my heart joy to hear him read the word of God out loud to all of us. Grace and Katie are reading at an alarming rate! They definitely read far more than Catherine and I. I cannot keep up with those two! It is a delight.
We made a decision to not get cable TV while we are here. I think I am struggling the most with that decision! I am a self-admitted TV junkie! So now we just watch a DVD here and there but get no stations on the set. The kids seem fine with this. It is me who misses the dumb programs! I think this will benefit them greatly in the long run. I wonder if we can do it at our next assignment also? They are keeping themselves busy. Michael has met a couple of nice kids in the neighborhood. JT comes to the door earlier everyday and knocks on the door. When you open it, he doesn't say hello, or good morning. He only says one word....Michael. I guess we are supposed to know this means could I please see Michael this morning because I would like to play with him today. So now I make him ask for Michael. The other day he comes and we hear a weird bang on the door this time. We open it and it's JT. He is knocking on the door with his head! "What are you doing??"
"Just knocking for Moy-kll", he says with that strange accent of his. The other boy is named Dylan. He seems like a nice kid too. He's a little bigger but seems kind. They ride their bikes all over the roads where we live. It is a very safe neighborhood for sure. It's kinda nice to have a house. I have noticed some real beautiful scenery around town on my ride back and forth to work. I have an urge to pull over and paint certain scenes I see on my way home. Perhaps I will just take a picture here and there. Well, that's all for now.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

I had a patient the other day..........
She was a little bitty thing about 5 feet in all. She was as heavy as she was short! Well she started to tell me all about her son. Apparently he is the illegitimate son of JFK! Now this would not be the first time I heard something crazy from one of my patients. I have to take such statements with a grain of salt. I definitely started doubting her mental capacities as I nodded nicely as she spoke. When I left the room, the secretary proceeded to tell me that her son is JFK's love child! She adopted him from a woman who became pregnant from the former president here in MD. She has legal papers about the whole thing! Now I'm shocked. Then another person tells me they saw her picture and her son's in the national enquirer at the checkout stand the other day! Sure enough, the son comes in about 2 hours later with his sister. He had on a pair of puffy red and purple pants to go with his pointy peter pan shoes; I kid you not! I'm thinkin' is this guy for real!! Apparently so. He also has a cape to go with his ensemble. Hanging over his arm is a purple sequined shirt that he did not wear but was just carrying with him; I guess it was an accessory. As his sister proceeded to inform me of how there is a policeman stalking her around town, he is making inappropriate comments to the wall in hopes that I can hear him but not in a way that says he is actually talking to me! I'm thinkin' what is going on here! I'm screaming on the inside because she is talking at such a rapid pace that I am unable to get a word in edgewise. I am unable to leave the room because her stalking story is continuing on ad-infinitum. I am stepping closer and closer to the door, trying to give a hint that I may have some work to do, or hoping the secretary calls my name to save me from this sideshow! Finally....she takes a breath. "I gotta go do some work", I say and dart towards the door. There I got out I'm saying to myself. The secretary looks at me and laughs because she knows I was just caught in the room with no way out; she knows what I just went through because it probably happened to her before. This sweet little lady did the right thing years ago to take in this baby and give him a life, but it is clear to me why it is not public knowledge that he is a Kennedy descendant. I hope he is receiving some type of psychiatric treatment because he is clearly in his own world. He thinks people are out to kill him. As they left I felt badly that I wanted to avoid them. I guess that's a human reaction. Anyways, just wanted to type up this story before I forgot about it because it was extremely weird. It was like I entered the twilight zone. For all we know, he could be the only sane Kennedy left!
I called Chip this morning.
I offered my services if needed at his house today after the funeral and all. He said there were plenty of people going to be around but He has my number and will call if he finds he needs some help. I feel I did what I was supposed to do. I called him. I am thankful that I didn't just think about calling him. It occurred to me on the walk this morning with the dog over in the park, that the fact that we are here and are now able to pray for Chip and his family, is something that would not be happening if we were not in MD. What does that mean? Well, I don't feel that MY prayers are anything special, but I do believe that my God is the only one true God out there who loves his children with an everlasting love. We are all created in HIS image and He loves each of us as His own. Therefore, one of the reasons for us being in MD is to pray for Chip and his family that they could rely on our Creator for strength during this difficult time in their lives. It's not the strength of MY prayers that will help him, it's the ONE I am praying to that will carry him through.
Life is a fragile thing..........
I enjoy being a nurse. I am blessed to be doing something that I love for a vocation. I love developing relationships with my patients, as limited as that relationship may be. I met a man last week that was one of those people that I like. He was a 52 year old man. He had a heart attack and came to our floor so that we could monitor the activity of his heart. He had many visitors during the day. I ended up working ALL day from 7am till midnight! We had quite a few discussions. He was a farmer his whole life and enjoyed being one. It is harvest time right now and I told him that I had no clue what it was like to be farmer. Well, he explained to me what it was like when he was young and how it has changed over the years. He offered for me to bring my children by to the farm and have his son Chip, (whom I had met earlier that day), take us out in the truck they use to harvest. He explained the elaborate computers used in farming these days with alacrity. Well, I was outside his room charting, when I heard him talk to Chip on the phone and telling him how I would be calling him tomorrow to go witness and take part in the harvest. When I talked with my wife on the phone shortly after that, she was equally excited to take part in this wonderful educational event. The next morning, I gave chip a call shortly after 11 as the sun was shining bright, which means they could do some harvesting. "Hey Chip. This is Dan from the hospital? How you doing."
"Well, not too good Dan."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I'm at the funeral home......Dad passed away this morning."
"Oh my goodness no!"
"Yeah. So we got a lot of stuff to do now, but I want you to call me in a few weeks okay? Cause dad told me you'd be callin and I'd like to take you guys out 'cause it was somethin dad wanted me to do."
"Okay Chip. I'm so sorry. I will pray for you and your family for strength to get through this."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. Don't forget to call me now."
"Alright Chip. Take care".
I hung the phone up and was in a sort of shock. I didn't know what to say! I told Catherine. We sat there in shock. As I write this, I still have a hard time grasping that this man's life is over! Today is Father's day. My heart goes out to Chip and his family on this first fathers day without his dad. I feel a sense of duty now to make sure I call Chip in a few weeks. Lord help me to follow through. I felt a sense from our Creator that this may be part of the reason we are here in MD. That we could in some way be, "God with skin on", for Chip and his family. I asked Catherine if she would be willing to see if there is some way we could be of service to them and she agreed. Perhaps we can help after the funeral? I don't know. Lord use me the way you want in their lives. I am shook up in the bones by this event! Life is so fragile. Help me Lord to live life to the fullest. To remember how fleeting it all is. What I do is left to be seen. I have lots of good intentions, but they mean nothing if not put into action. Lord help me to continue to be open and honest with my children that they can see me for who I truly am.
I saw the obituary on Friday morning. One of the things it said was,"He liked to be with people. If those around him were happy, then he was happy". As someone who met him only for a very long day at work, I would have to agree.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Isn't it a good thing??......peace and quiet?
I enjoy peace and quiet most of the time. It's good for my soul to rest. That is something I need to learn how to do more of.....rest. The Lord calls us to rest in Him. He says to "Take my yoke upon you and you will find rest for your soul." Ah...to rest in Him. I have never had a bad experience trusting in our Lord. He has always come through for me. Being on this journey with my family, I have been able to pray for each of my family members ion the way in to work. It takes a solid half hour to get here and usually flies by as I pray individually for each family member starting with my wife. I have much to be in prayer about not the least of which is spiritual warfare. I claim their protection each day in the name of Jesus. Why?? Because He says you have not, because ye do not ask; so I ask for their protection. WE are at war. It just doesn't seem like it most of the time. I have been able to see the warfare lately. Satan wants to destroy my family. I must surrender to the ONE who will make us a victorious family for the Lord. I have such individual concerns for each of my family members. Each child is so different. It struck me the other day how they each believe that I am always watching out for them and their best interest. The just know this to be true!! This caught me off guard a little as I remember thinking the same thing about my parents towards me. The reality is that we do our best to be there for our children but we are only human and have faults. Only the Lord can be continuously watching over our children. I do my best, but I do it knowing full well that without the Lord, my children would be in big trouble. I can see how He has protected me and my family through the years and that He is continuing to do this for us now. I hope and pray He will guide us towards glory with the loving merciful hand we have come to rely on in my home. We are living a radical lifestyle. It is different and as such, there are fewer people to relate to about it. This is why we need each other even more now. It seems, almost everynight, one of the kids wants to sleep in the same room as one of the other kids. Personally I think this is a wonderful thing. I want to encourage it within reason. They will only be young for a short time and then they will be on their own. Our sphere of influence over them is so limited. Lord give us wisdom as we direct these children/young adults to maturity. I feel more than ever that Catherine and I are in this together and the Lord is in charge. WE do our best to listen to Him and He has been faithful. Lord help us to remain faithful to coming into your presence each day so that You can guide us. I must mention that the one thing that has been constantly on my prayers for each of my children as well as myself has been wisdom. I don't know about anyone else. I only know that I feel so in the dark most of the time. But the Lord has been guiding us anyway. Lord, please continue to make each of us wise so that we can follow your paths of righteousness. Wide is the road that leads to destruction and many go there. Narrow is the road to life and there are few who find it. Someone once said that the joy is in the journey. I believe this to be true, and we are on a wonderful journey together. Thank you Lord that we are living life on the edge.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

So........How do you like it here?
This is the question I get asked a lot wherever I go. I have found it refreshing to be honest with my answers to people. I was asked, how did you do when they floated you over to the other hospital? My answer was, " Well, I got off to a rough start. I kinda felt like they were very unhelpful and I was starting to take everything they did personal. I was feeling like I was being dissed by everyone there!" At this point people look at me kinda funny. Then I go on to explain the truth. "But when I enter a new situation, I frequently feel a little nervous so I have realized that I get very sensitive and frequently think people are against me when I am unfamiliar with things. It's like I project my feelings of fear and instead think they are not very nice. Once I realized this, I said some prayers of, OH God help me to mind my business and do my job as I know how to do it. Help me to not listen to my head!" People usually laugh at this honest assessment of things. They probably can identify. I guess I've learned over time that God has made me a good nurse who is completely imperfect and still has a lot to learn. I think one of my biggest strengths is that I know how limited my knowledge of things really is. This might not sound like an asset but I think it is. I would not dream of attempting to do something to one of my patients that I was not sure what I was doing. This is wise; humbling at times but wise. Well, this was just a short little quip of what it's like to be a traveler; to be myself in this world. Blessed beyond human reason, and glad for it. I am a grateful man.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

I would be remiss to not mention something that happened here in Maryland shortly after our arrival. My wife and children took a road trip to Massachusetts for a week a few days after getting settled. I was left to myself for my hospital orientation. I had too much free time on my hands. I get very lonely without my family and wish to spend most of my time with them as they are truly Gods greatest gift to me that constantly displays His love for me in a concrete way. One day I decided to go golfing. I love to golf but going alone is usually kind of strange as there is no one to share the game with. I just know that IF I ever get a hole in one, I'll probably be alone!! No one will believe me!! Anyways, I joined up with another single golfer on the second hole of play. It was nice to meet up with someone else who also was looking for company as he also was away from his wife and trying to get a game of golf in before meeting up with some friends further away that night. As happens often in golf, we engaged in some pleasant conversation. It turns out he is a retired military man of good stature. WE chatted quite a bit about current events and seemed to both be coming from the same point of view. He thought it a wonderful thing to be home-educating our children and actively training them to be productive members of society. Around the 15th hole it was evident to me that he knew my savior Jesus on a first name basis. This brought great pleasure to me as I felt a real connection to a brother in the Lord. I needed that because of my family being away. After the round we had a soda together and shared a fantastic conversation that was basically focused on how good our God is! He had nothing but positive things to say about how the Lord had turned his life around. To make this all sound biblical, I would say we mutually edified each other. I expressed to him how wonderful it was of our Creator to put 2 of his children together on the course so they could boast of is greatness in each of their lives; what a blessing! Isn't that just like God? Only he could have done such a thing. Mere coincidence?? I think not; just God remaining anonymous once again. We can't actually prove it was HIM who brought us together, but there's nobody out there who can prove to me otherwise. Thank you Lord for sending me a cool glass of water during a dry spell away from my family...

Monday, June 07, 2004

Why Maryland???................................. This I do not know.
I will say that it seems to be not so much for my own well being but for my wife. I am kind of lost out here in the middle of nowhere, and perhaps that will benefit me in the long run. I could use some peace and quiet. There is plenty of that to go around, but I have found that I am also very good at creating my own noise to drown out the silence. It makes me uncomfortable at times to be quiet. I need the Lords help with enjoying the peace in my life. Catherine seems to be getting some real peace in her heart from being here even though it's only been a couple of weeks. The first day here she was walking around the neighborhood and called me on the phone in awe of the beauty of the area and its scenery. It does my heart good to hear such praise coming from my woman's mouth. It truly is a blessing to me when she is filled with the spirit. I am a grateful man when my wife is at peace. That is all for now......

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Now that I am in Maryland, I look back on Florida fondly. It was a wonderful way to spend a winter. WE met some nice people there and I have a general sense that God used us there in the lives of others as well as using others in our lives as well for mutual friendships. I thank God for the time we had there and look forward to going there again.
WE are staying at a house now in tilghman Maryland. We are literally walking distance on both sides of our house to the Chesapeake bay! It is so different being here! There are not many people around. I feel the need to get connected somehow and feel that AA will be that connection for us while we are here as opposed to some type of church gathering. The people in AA are people just like us in many ways. They understand how Catherine and I tick. We have a nice place to live, but I am still unsure how I feel about it. It is so quiet! In some ways I want a quiet lifestyle, but in another way, I don't know what to do with myself! The Lord will direct our steps. I just need to trust Him. I seem to be saying that more and more lately.....just trust Him. Think he may be trying to tell me something? I am currently at my work at 5am in the morning! I think I will be ok doing some nights and some days. AS long as I stay disciplined with my time.