Who's Your Daddy?........................A short story.

When he woke up this morning, the thought of changing someone’s life didn’t enter his mind. He was more focused on just how to live through the day without eating too much food, or losing his temper “one more time” with his kids, or doing the right thing as far as his wife was concerned. He’s fallen into a rut with his approach to life. It gnaws at him slowly until it sucks the life out of him. Living to please others and make no mistakes just doesn’t work too well. It usually ends in doing all the things we strive to avoid.
More out of habit than any actual virtue, Mike gets on his knees as he crawls out of bed. His prayers have been pruned. They used to be long, asking for many things to work out certain ways and for God to protect his wife and kids, to get God to do what Mike wants God to do. Nowadays, Mike says so much more with so much less. “Lord, please remove my fears and direct my attention to what it is you would have me be. I pray that you grant me wisdom and knowledge of your will and the power to carry it out”. No plea’s for protection or for blessings and the like. He has come to a point of knowledge, (or is it wisdom?), where he “knows” God will protect his family. He knows God is in control of all things and will be intimately involved in directing each of his children’s lives. He knows his wife is in the palm of HIS hand; and he knows that he is too.
It is after this habitual movement of his that Mike snaps out of it and realizes again, for today, that following God is not going to happen by trying to “be good”. A true Christian is not a man trying to be good or follow rules from the good book. In fact, no man can decide to “be” a Christian. Mike is a Christian because he was chosen by God to be one. It is God who has directed him in his life, and it will be God who keeps him on the right path. All of his effort need not be given to trying to be good or do right. Instead, all of his efforts can go into striving after guidance. What will we be doing today Lord? Show me the way. All the asking for so many things from God have been whittled away, pruned from his prayers. The instrument used to wean Mike off of asking for things is trust. As this trust in the Father has grown, he has become more and more confident in HIS love for Mike. It is a matter of fact that his heavenly Father is always looking out for him at all times. Just as his own boy Danny used to hold his hand as they walked down the sidewalk; this tiny little palm with miniscule fingers attached to it, grasping his hulk of a hand in comparison as they stroll along. Not once did Danny think his daddy didn’t know where they were going, or that daddy would let his hand go and run away leaving him to fend for himself. Even the thought of it is absurd! There never was a question! Daddy helps me; daddy…. is my daddy! If daddy brings me somewhere it’s because I need to be there. I’m going wherever dad says!
Mike leaves the house this morning with exhilarating thoughts of who it is that God is going to put in his path today. He knows that lives can be changed today. People who come in contact with him can be changed for the better. Not because of who he is in and of himself, but because he is an ambassador of the one true God. Wherever he goes, God goes with him. Yes, he is confident that lives will be affected today. As confident as a little boy is that daddy loves him……………….

As she was lying there on the bed,visible signs of torment eating away at her now frail body are evident. She may be a hundred pounds, but probably not. Her hair is almost gone. Just a few strands here and there, unable to hide her pale skull as she lies there in the bed sleeping.....or is it semi-comatose? The Cancer has been eating away at her insides for over a year. She only knew about it for the last few months. Two of her sons are standing over her as she lies there in the bed. She can't speak really anymore. The morphine dosage has been increasing daily now. She is out of pain they are told but there is no hope of survival. They are just keeping her out of pain as best they can. Both sons are holding her hands; one on the left, and one on the right. It's upsetting to both of them that she is now unable to communicate anymore. Both brothers are speechless themselves, suffering individually over the demise of their mom who is whittling away into nothing in front of their eyes over the Last week especially. All they can do is hold her hand. Both are full of emotion but unable to express it. It cannot be put into words; how it feels to watch your mother die who was at one time the rock, the glue that held the family together. Then it happened. She was looking at them now. They smiled at her. She mustered up her strength and squeezed their hands. This was encouraging. Then she did something else. She took her two sons hands and pulled on them. She brought them towards her. Both sons let her pull them in close to her in this show of strength on her part. As she brought them to her chest, she didn't pull them in to her body as they thought, instead she ever so slowly intertwined them together over her body. She was putting them together! She placed one brothers hand into the others. The two looked at each other and then to her. She had a pleading look in her eyes. It was clear; she was communicating after all. It was clear to this brother anyway. She wants us to love each other. Take care of each other as you grow. It was a powerful message; one that overwhelmed me! We held hands over her for perhaps a minute. We never really spoke about it after that, but it was clear to me that she was trying to convey to us that she wants us to care for each other because she will not be able to anymore. It's been 18 years since then. We are still in touch weekly by phone. I do love my brother very much. I often wonder if he remembers it like I do. If the message she was sending was as clear to him as it seemed to me. Maybe he wonders the same thing?...................

That's when she called me one day at work.
"Dan...............it's mum", she said.
"Hi ma. how'd it go?", I asked. Even while I asked I could sense something was wrong. Why was she calling me at work? She was supposed to be operated on today to fix this ulcer that was supposedly making her unable to eat without becoming feelings of nausea and many times throwing up. So why was she calling me so soon into the day? She wouldn't tell me over the phone. All she could say was that she wanted to talk to me in person and wanted to know when I got out of work..............can I come up to see her. Many thoughts ran through my head. What could it be? The worst it could be is cancer right? If she has cancer we can do something about it probably. Oh, God please comfort her through this. Please help me God. Please help me through this too. Help me to help her. I really don't remember much more of that day. It sort of jumps forward to me in the hospital room with her. I'm sitting with her on the bed. she is very serious in her tone. She tells me she has stomach cancer. They were not able to operate because it is too widespread throughout her body. They went in to fix the supposed ulcer and found cancer all over. They literally just closed her back up and brought her back to the room. I remember trying to be encouraging and not show her any fear or worry. I just wanted her to know I would help her through this. She seemed pretty resolved there was nothing that could be done.
Things changed those next few months. She went for some chemotherapy more for palliative treatment; to reduce the pain she was going to have as she died. She went about her life to some extent. I remember visiting her in the hospital shortly after her diagnosis and she had a bright red pocket-purse next to her. When I asked her why she said bought it 'cause she always wanted one but thought it too fancy to have......now she didn't care.....she was getting one before she died.
She didn't get real sick right away. Those chemo drugs are deadly though. They wiped her out when they did kick in. She had to get a tube put in her stomach for nutrition because she couldn't eat anymore without getting sick. If you knew her, you knew she loved to eat. She eventually also got a pain control machine she wore like a belt that could give her pain control too. In two months time it was Thanksgiving and she had been home a short while but unable to really do anything around the house. We had thanksgiving over there house. She couldn't eat with us, she couldn't make anything for us, she had no more eneergy and became simply frustrated and sad as they day went on. I seem to recall it was at this time she decided she would rather stay in the hospital than stay at home for the remainder of her illness. Back then you could do that! She was there through Christmas. I remember Christmas day. She mustered up all the energy she could to present herself as positive as she could to her family. We all went to visit her at differing times to see her and she was in a good mood for all of us. She started getting sicker right after that. The cancer was eating away at her insides at a rapid pace. She started hallucinating from the large doses of morphine she was recieving. Her stomach was bloated! It was huge! One day one of us went in and she said, "Guess what...........I'm having twins." We didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She was pleasant enough. Never mean or nasty, just losing touch with reality more and more. Her life had been reduced to trying to spit into the small emesis basin given to her by the nurse. For some reason it was important to spit. I don't know why. It had become her chore; what she needed to do every few minutes. As I was standing next to this woman, my mother,the one who raised me from a baby, the one who used to scare me at times with just a look, my duty was clear. I had to wipe her mouth after she attempted to spit into the basin and small white cotton-ball type foam would form on her lips. My duty was clear to me at that moment. "She did this for you"........"She did this for you when you were a babe". My duty was clear; I took care of my task with alacrity! There was nothing gross or disgusting about it. It's different when it's your own flesh and blood. It was just something that had to be done; in fact, it was my priviledge to do it; an honor you might say.
The doctor had told my dad it was a matter of days or weeks til she would die. There were seven of us so we kept an around the clock schedule so someone was always with her at all times. She became almost comatose for that last week of her life. We would go and visit and just sit with her and hold her hand, not much else. I remember going to bed each night that last week feeling kind of guilty asking God to please take her. This was not living to her; she was merely existing now day by day. She couldn't even speak anymore. Who knows how much morphine she was getting every hour now. We would bring the phone to bed each night because we knew it was just a matter of time...............
The phone woke me up. I don't even remember who it was on the phone. It was one of my siblings I think. She died not too long ago they said. Dad was there. "OK", I said. I almost went back to sleep. I told my wife next to me. I lay there feeling glad for her, sad for me, guilty that I felt glad she was dead. I was grateful her suffering was over. Of course I could not go back to sleep. The next week was a blur. Before I knew it the funeral was over she was buried and life was going on. My father was beside himself with grief. They were together for over 25 years and he was now alone. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through. One thing that I remember from the end of her life is something my father told me. He said that he was sitting there next to her in the bed that night. Now mind you, she hadn't really spoken hardly at all for over a week. He said that all of a sudden, she sat up in bed wide-eyed and said, "There comin' for me!!"
"Who?", myfather asked.
"The angels.....there comin' for me!!" Not many hours after that she died. Perhaps we should say her spirit left her body and went to be with her Creator. I like to remember that story fondly because I too believe that this earth is not my home. My home is in heaven. I do not grieve her passing anymore. Even after the initial sadness of her dying wore off, I had a sense inside that she is not dead. She is alive in heaven with my King. I will see her again soon! Life is fleeting. Before I know it, I will be there too. While I am in no hurry, I am not afraid to die. To me it's more like a "going home" than a dying.

I was in the bookstore yesterday. I was reading through some book I grabbed off the shelf and started reading one of the chapters about how today's church is out of touch. This guy is talking about how Christians of today are misreading the scriptures and not understanding how God changes with the times and how there is nothing wrong with this sin, or that sin, and on and on he went explaining his position based on false suppositions in the first place e! It made me mad! I then put the book back in disgust of how this man has no clue what he is talking about. It's like an electrician trying to explain to us all how plumbing works and why it is the way it is,....or vice versa. It was clear to me that this man does not understand even the basics of what makes a person a Christian. It annoyed me, so I put the book back and saw...........4 more books by the same man!! My goodness! This really ticks me off! I know instantly that this ticks me off because in my heart I have some envy, and jealousy. How can he write that many books when all he has to say is mostly garbage!........IMNSHO. So I'm thinkin to myself. How can he write that many books and I can't write one? So I ask you. Why have I not tried to write a book? I really want to yet seem to be held back from the task! I think I am like many people who think they should or could write a book. I seem to have this inner passion to write but am frustrated by not doing it. A man name D. Biggs whom I don't know, said a quote that I wrote down 6 months ago. " The biggest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing". This is where I find myself. What is stopping me? I guess it will never happen unless I DO it! Thinking about it gets me nowhere. I don't think I am unique. I believe I am one of many frustrated writers. I write this more as an appeal and admission of the truth that in some ways I am not doing something that is screaming inside of myself to do. Am I lacking motivation? Am I afraid of failure or success? Who knows!....do you have any ideas?

I appeal to you. I wonder if everybody has this desire in them to write or if it is only some people. I want to reach my full potential and feel that I do have something to contribute to the world through writing. Maybe my frustration with reading such trash will get me off the couch and away from the TV long enough to write.

Daniel M.

I had a conversation in the car yesterday with my 16 year old daughter. I was beside myself with the level of wisdom she posesses. Where did she get it? She is so independent minded! She is strong in the faith. She knows the divine Creator and is a power of example to me of what a follower of Jesus is! How did this happen? I think it is because when we first had kids we knew we could not parent properly. It was this weakness in us that drove us to our knees. It was there and continues to be there that the battle for their souls has been won.
The thing I am most thankful for truly is that my children know who they are in Gods' eyes. They belong to HIM. This brings my heart peace. All three of my children are "on the ark". When you remember the story, everyone on the ark was saved and everything outside the ark was lost....forever. It is an awesome word picture. Jesus is that ark for us now. The question is...........are you on the ark? Are you trusting in Him and Him alone? I am on the Ark and so are my wife and children. I say this not with a cocky attitude but with an attitude of gratitude. I am grateful and thankful to be called one of HIS children. Thank you Lord Jesus for saving my soul. May all who read these words take refuge in the only one who can save both the body and the soul.

I was done for the day. I had a very difficult 12 hour shift. I am exhausted and want to go home as I am off for 4 days! Before leaving I see the pile of paper given to me by the charge nurse. In it is what is called a "call back" form. This is spread through the floor to the nurses. We have a number and call someone back who was discharged just to see if everything is going ok, do they have any questions, are they taking their medications, etc., etc. WE have a general script of what to say in the case of things going well or not. I've never done this before but figure it will be easy. I call, and what sounds like an older man answers the line.
"Hello, this is Dan a nurse at NCH how are you doing today?"
"Who?!"
"Dan!( a little louder), I'm a nurse at Naples Community Hospital!"
"Oh. Yes. Hi"
"I was calling for a Simone? Is that your wife?"
"Yes...Yes it is." Before I can go into my questions of how everything is going and is there anything else we can do for you, he speaks again.
"She died on the 24th." I was struck dumb. I didn't know what to say! THIS was not on the script!
" I am so sorry to hear that," I managed to say.
"Yes. thank you. We left the hospital about a week ago, and she just kept getting worse. Finally I brought her back to the emergency room on the 24th but she just didn't make it. She died that day."
"I'm so sorry for your loss. Is there anything we can do for you?"
"No.......Life goes on ya know? I'm just hangin in there."
I didn't know what to say!! I felt bad for him and at a loss for words at the same time. I wanted to bring him some comfort.
"How long were you together," I asked feebly?
"Fifty years!" He seemed to answer with a sense of satisfaction.
"My goodness. So you've lost a big part of your life!"
"She was my whole life!" He said. This is where I could sense his voice cracking with emotion.
I wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. I offered him the only thing I truly have to offer. So I asked him a question.
"Are you a praying man?" I asked hesitantly, hoping for a yes in response.
"I try to but haven't been lately." He said.
"Could I offer up a prayer for you right now over the phone?"
Silence..........................
"Sir?.....Could I pray for you right now.......on the phone....with you?"
There was another pause. And then with a voice broken with the emotional strain of losing his life partner for some fifty years,.................he spoke.
"I sure would appreciate it yes."
I'd like to tell you exactly what I prayed but when I close my eyes and speak to God, especially when praying for another, I ask the Holy Spirit to pray through me to speak the words that the recipient needs to hear. One thing I do remember is coming alongside my fellow human being in anguish over the losss of the most important person in his life. That you Lord would somehow fill in the gap left by the loss of Simone. Please give him strength to go on now that she is gone.............There was more said.......but not much more..................amen
"Well, I sure do appreciate the call. Thanks for callin!"
"Well you hang in there sir".
"Oh I will. And thanks again for callin!", He said.
When I hung up the phone, I was struck with awe. I had the feeling I was used by the Creator to offer some form of compassion to a fellow traveller here on earth. It reminded me of the importance of my job. That I may be "just" a nurse, but our position is not simply to meet the physical needs of our patients, but to care for the whole patient. C.S. Lewis said once, "We do not have a soul. We ARE a soul; we have a body. It is my desire to be a nurse that does his best to meet the needs of my patients; physical, mental, and spiritual.
I'm glad I took the time to call him. It was a sobering way to end my shift and remember those things that are of utmost importance in life; the love of family.

We will be leaving Vermont soon. It has been nice to be here. We got to see our extended families some while here. It is nice to see them. I realise that I really enjoy my own family more than anything. I would rather spend time with my wife and kids than with anyone else. We will be seeing my dad next week. Haven't seen him in a while. Life is strange sometimes. I wonder and wonder to myself all the time. What's it all about? Why are we here? What is the purpose of it all? Just to exist and have kids and have them have kids and so on and so on? Life is so short! It is flying by. I am grateful we are travelling during this time of their youth. Our hope is that they and we get to see most of this country, or at least some of it. We are looking forward to going to FL for some warm weather. Grace said yesterday, "I can't wait to get to FL. How did I think I liked this kind of weather!" She is growing so much, as are the others. I finished reading Katies story so far. Her and GRace and Catherine are attempting to write a novel this month. I am personally impressed with each of their efforts. It is very interesting. I enjoy reading her stuff. She has created this whole universe and many people as well. I'm currently waiting for her next installment. My son is turning into a man. While I do get frustrated with his lack of self-control at times, the fact is that he has much more self control than I did at his age! He is growing and growing. I am impressed with his spiritual growth as well as his physical. I learn from him. He is a man of faith. I want to trust God as much as he does.
I had no particular reason for writing other than the fact that I just haven't in so long. God is taking great care of us. We have all that we need and then some. Sure I wish we had a newer vehicle for my bride, so we wouldn't have to be concerned of it breaking down, but it has been good so far. I trust my Creator to continue to provide for all our needs as a family. HE is so good to us. Thank God we do not get what we deserve. His mercy is new every day toward us.

Saturday, September 03, 2005
I am settling in to my new surroundings; same job different place. It is a challenge each time to go to a new facility and have all new people and places and things so often. While I personally struggle with the change I see it as a training ground in the Father's hands. He is moding and shaping my family for our future. He will use all of our experiences in moving and packing and moving, meeting new people and encouraging one antother as a family unit as well as all the (probably), even more intricate things we go through with our frequent moves. One in particular is the internal training we are all getting in identifying and learning to control our emotions. It is one way we are NOT like animals. We have the ability as humans to feel one thing and not allow it to direct our actions. Just because we FEEL afraid of our circumstances, or nervous, or excited, does not mean we have to respond to those feelings. Self control has NEVER been one of my strong points. The Lord is teaching me this along the way. HE is good..................all the time! HE uis training me to ACT and not re-act; now THAT is a blessing! I look forward to seeing some of my extended family while here in VT. It is already getting cold around here and they say it may get to the 30's tonight.....oh boy. The good thing is we have an awesome place to live here! We welcome visitors to come and stay for a while. Plenty of room! WE will be stoking the fireplace up soon..............a fireplace; something my wife always wanted to have!
Daniel

I graduated nursing school in Wellesley Massachussetts at the local state college there in 1997. The last semester of school, I took my first test and got a 58! I was a nervous wreck. I think it was fear. Fear of success? Or perhaps it was that I thought (subconciously), that if I don't try my best then I can always say, "well I didn't try my hardest". However if I did do my absolute best and didn't graduate, then I would somehow be the biggest failure of a person known to the world! I was so amazed at Gods ability to get me through it all. I remember using the failure on that test as a motivation. I was face to face with the decision. Do I let fear run my life, or do I grab hold of my Creators hand and trust Him to give me the wisdom and strength to succeed? I am here today to tell you that He is truly faithful. There is an old saying that opportunity comes disguised as hard work. I think this is true. I am not full of cockiness that I did what needed to be done because I am strong. When I say I succeeded in reaching my goal, it means I humbled myself. I got on my knees and told God that there was no way for me to make it through without His help and guidance; that I was destined for failure and allowing FEAR to run my life unless He would direct my thinking right then and there. I am strong.....only in HIM. I studied like I had never studied before. God provided me with a christian brother who was willing to get together with me each week; who was also in my classes with me! WE learned together and made it through. When I follow HIM and listen to my God, He gives clear direction. My problem is........i don't listen sometimes. I'll never forget the final exam. I had done so well on my other tests that I shocked myself! As everyone does taking the finals, I figured out that I needed to get at least a 70 or something like that to finish with a passing grade. Before the exam, I prayed Lord please clear my mind of all the distractions that satan tries to give me. Please remove my fear, worry, and anxiety that I can be clear minded. I ask not that you give me the answers, (although that would be nice), but that you help me maximize my ability to pull up the information that we learned in our studies. Well, HE did just that. The test was not easy but I felt very relaxed and at peace with the whole thing. I got in the 80's somewhere and completed this journey that we as a family had been on for close to 5 years! It was not a feeling of pumping my fist in the air at my own accomplishment but of gratitude to my Creator for seeing us through all of this. When I started this quest to become a nurse it seemed so far away to even think of graduating. Now it was upon me! I was pleased to just get my diploma in the mail. Well, my wife was very interested in me going to the formal graduation. I wasn't up for it. We had a pinning night for all the nurses in the auditorium AND a graduation day. THAT....was not for me! I didn't want to congratulate myself with a public display................or was I just afraid of being recognised in public for my achievement?....hmmm. Whatever it was, my wifes' statements got me to do it. "This is not for you Dan. This is for me and the children, and your father and family to be able to come see you graduate!" OH! I didn't even think of others. Sometimes, I can continue to be so self-centered. Thank God I did it because my wife said those things to me. My brother Billy and my dad came to the pinning. My wife says she saw both of them with tears in their eyes as I was pinned. I would have robbed my brother of his emotions that night. I was able to succeed partly because of his willingness to bend my schedule at work around my schooling! I would have robbed my father of the pride that us dads feel when we see our children accomplish things. I almost robbed my wife and children of getting to see their dad/husband succeed. Thank you Lord for making me see the wisdom of my wifes' words. At the graduation ceremony, we were waiting in the auditorium to be called out under the tent for our diplomas. Someone had some white tape they were using to put funny signs on the top of their caps. I asked to borrow it. I had an important message to put on my cap......something I wanted everyone to see! It seemed to take forever to get to the nursing program graduates! They finally called us up by rows. As I was over on the side waiting to go up for my diploma, I looked over..............there was my wife and three little ones looking up to me with pride and excitement. My wife was trying to get my picture. I tilted my cap to her as she snapped the picture. She told me later she was overwhelmed with emotion as she read the top of my cap. I went up for my diploma and tried to tip my cap for all to see as I left the stage.....not that anyone cared but me and my family. Written in bold letters were the words, "THANKS CATHERINE". I didn't think much of it at the time, except that I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her for being a stronghold for me through the whole schooling experience. Now however, years later, I am glad that I was able to acknowledge her there because I surely couldn't have done it without her help. I will never forget those days; the pinning and the graduation. Not because I am proud of me. I'll always remember because I saw how it all has very little to do with me. I am the priviledged one. As it says in collossians chapter 3 verse 4, "When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory". By putting my wifes desires for me to go to the graduation ahead of my own self-centeredness, I was blessed. I felt like it was a moment of HIS glory and not mine. In fact, I still get that feeling whenever I remember those days. Thank you Lord. Help me to remember to be "others" centered instead of self-centered, in all my activities. Well, that is the story of how I became a nurse. God is good............ALL THE TIME!!

So how is it that I became a nurse?
I have thought about this question and been asked this many times. While only God knows the way he laid out the path for me to come to do nursing as a profession, I'll do my best to explain it to you.
I think back to getting bit in the face by a dog. I ended up in the hospital for a couple of days. I have fond memories of the care I was given. Maybe it was the pain meds? Whatever it was, it stuck with me. One day I was working at the store when one of our employees came in with a green pinstriped shirt on. I asked her why she was wearing that. She said she was entered into the nursing program at the local college up the street. We talked a bit and I asked her to bring me some paperwork on it. I looked it over and talked with my wife about it. I was attracted to the idea of having a profession where you help other people all the time and get paid for it. The salary of a nurse was pretty good at the time also and I needed to do something that could support my whole family in the future. WE talked and prayed about it and examined the possible road ahead. Could I do it? I would have to work full time and do school, and arrange my schedule around work or vice versa, and what about the children? Well, we felt it was right. Let's go towards it but not necessarily enter the program as there was a 2 year waiting list to get in! So I took the prerequisite courses slowly. First semester was only two classes; biology and chemistry. If I had to say two courses that I think I would fail at, it was these two. I did not like science in high school. I made it through. I won't tell you all the other courses except to tell you of my experience taking an accelerated one month course during the summer called microbiology. It was during this course of 4 plus weeks that I missed a full week because I came down with .......................The chicken pox! It was horrendous! I got it from my children whom a week before I was comforting through their bouts of chicken pox because I was CERTAIN that I had them as a kid! When I mad it back to class, I discovered that the week I missed was on infections like,..............The chicken pox! I was able to pass that class anyway thank God due to her teaching style of new material every week. Four tests counted and we could drop the fifth. She let me drop the one I missed. I entered the nursing program having all of my prerequisites out of the way. My brother Billy assisted me through all of my schooling by adjusting the work schedule so I could attend my classes. Thank God for him. Well, I made it through.
I know this has changed from why did I become a nurse to HOW. Sorry about that; I just got on a roll. Someday I'll tell you about my graduation day.....

We have been in TN for a month now and I really like it. The mountains are beautiful! The hospital is excellent also. All new floors make for a very nice environment. It is a blessing to be here with my family. My children are such a blessing to us. I keep thinking that the LORD is telling me that I will be blessed to find my life in serving my family and allowing my children and my wife to help direct my steps. I get lost in which way to go sometimes. The Lord can use them to help guide me. I am grateful to be able to enjoy their company. I am typing because it has been difficult to sit and type lately. I like getting things down on paper.... or computer. Lord I desire to write. Please direct me show me the way. Thank you for enabling us to live as we are. Help us to trust you with our future.
Daniel

It is Easter today. I think it's strange that Easter is no longer even viewed as a holiday at work. This day doesn't really have any meaning for me either. I love the Lord and I am eternally grateful for what he did on the cross for me. I recognise that everyday! I suppose it would be nice to celebrate that with others today but I am working today instead.
We have really enjoyed Florida this time around even more than last time. I am kinda itchin to go elsewhere though. We are hoping to go to Tennessee next. It sounds like a beautiful place to live.

I am feeling heavy hearted today. It has been a difficult day for me. I was awakened this am by a call from a dear friend. He described some difficulties he is having with his children and their abbhorrent behavior. His kids are almost the same ages as mine. My children have hardly any of the struggles that he mentioned. My heart aches for him....and them!! I am having difficulty putting into words how I feel. I don't want to sound like I know how to raise kids and he doesn't. I have to attribute my children's lack of struggles to keeping them with us instead of sending them to school. My wife said the other day that it is sad to send your children away from your presence for the best part of the day. I agree with that. It seems to me that my friends kids are suffering spiritually because they have been under an authority that could care less about God and how they are honoring Him with their lives. My friend is a Godly man. His children are suffering. I wanted to impress on him that their well being is worthy of his best effort; even if it is radical. I could pontificate and offer my opinions but honestly, all I have to offer him is that if he brings his kids back home, then these types of things will not happen. It is our responsibility to train them the proper way of living. When they have learned to behave properly, then they are released into society to influence it for the glory of God as well as to serve and love their fellow human being. You don't have to go far to see how sick the public school system has become. Perhaps there may be successes, but those will be in spite of the school system and not because of it! There is a spiritual warfare going on for the souls of all of our children. WE must do battle because there is a war going on for their hearts. We will lose if we sit by and do nothing. This world is not our home. This world is NOT our home! I see taking your children out of the schools as the right step towards taking a stand for the Lord. I am not blaming the teachers. Ask one if you know one! Their hands are tied by all the regulations! They are forced by the sheer number of kids in their class to teach for mediocrity. Mind you, I am not one who even thinks academic studies are that important. But I will say with some confidence, that if anyone allows their kids to stay home and doesn't even do any formal teaching, but just allows them to read, ask questions, and just spend time with mom or dad, they will learn more than if they go to an institution to learn. My heart goes out to my dear friend. I will be praying for him and his children.

I have been pondering some things in my mind and heart over the last few weeks. I am amazed how much time can go by between my posts. I so enjoy just writing things down here and yet I get sidetracked often from doing so. I feel as if I haven't written in a long time. I feel a real connection with my Creator when I sit to write of how He has been working through me and in my life. I forget often all the things HE seems to do for me daily. So I think it's satan working to keep me from documenting Gods actions in my life so he can keep me from seeing all that my Lord actually does for me daily. He knows my inner fears and worries. He meets all my needs and many of my wants. It is my hope to write more often.

OK. so they stuck me in the icu today at work. I worked on the same floor for 2 days and was looking forward to the same floor assignment again today because there is something to be said for continuity. To have the same patients everyday helps you to know them better as well as know when there is a change in their status. I was angry when I saw that I was being floated. Even though I have come to believe that it is God who chooses my assignment, I still get mad when it doesn't turn out the way "I" think it should. I am human. This is what happens to me. I accept that it takes me a bit to overcome my emotions and then be able to behave in a manner that I want to. It was a good day...................once I had acceptance. That is like most of life isn't it? To accept the things I cannot change. I have learned to not complain about my assignment. I cannot be given an assigned that the Lord does not know about. AS long as I am not practicing outside the scope of my practice as a nurse, then I want to have acceptance of that assignment. This has worked well for me on this journey we are on. The contrary is also true. If I fight for what "I" want, then I usually get screwed somehow.
I love my job. It truly is a pleasure to be a nurse. It has many things that are difficult but I do not have any desires to be anything nut a nurse right now. I feel like this was meant to be for my life. What a gift. Not many people can say they found something to do for a living that they are content with. I really enjoy caring for my patients. I feel like an instrument in the master's hand. What a feelin; to be used by the Creator to touch another persons life and ease their suffering. I am blessed. Thank you Lord.
Daniel

I RECEIVED A PIECE OF MAIL THE OTHER DAY FROM FORT MYERS FL. IT WAS SENT TO MY ADDRESS IN MASSACHUSETTS. IT WAS FORWARDED TO MY OLD ADDRESS LAST YEAR HERE IN FT. MYERS. THEN IT WAS FORWARDED TO MY OLD ADDRESS IN MARYLAND. FROM THERE IT WAS FORWARDED TO MY OLD ADDRESS IN VIRGINIA. FROM THERE IT WAS FORWARDED DIRECTLY TO ME AT MY CURRENT ADDRESS!! WHAT A MAIL SYSTEM EH? THIS WAS RATHER HILARIOUS. JUST WANTED TO WRITE THIS INCIDENT DOWN AND CHALK IT UP AS ANOTHER INCIDENT THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE DOING WHAT WE ARE DOING. THANK GOD IT WASN'T AN IMPORTANT PIECE OF MAIL.........I JUST THREW IT AWAY! I ALMOST FELT LIKE I SHOULD HOLD ON TO IT FOR A WHILE EVEN THOUGH IT WAS TRASH. IT TRAVELED SO FAR TO GET INTO MY LITTLE HANDS! NEVERTHELESS, IT WAS MAIL THAT I NO LONGER NEEDED SO IT FOUND THE TRASH BIN ABOUT 30 SECONDS AFTER IT WAS OPENED. BOY, YOU COULD WRITE A STORY ABOUT THE LIFE OF THAT PIECE OF MAIL. IT HAD A LONG JOURNEY TO THE TRASH HEAP. I GUESS THAT COULD BE THE TITLE.
DAN

Here I am on my second night in a row 7p to 7a. It is a little better. I am not as tired but am still weary. It is a little more difficult to sleep during the day. It must be hard for the wife and kids to remain quiet so I can sleep. They do well. It is most difficult between 2 and 5am. I just think I am supposed to be sleeping!! There are some nice people on the night shift. Very friendly. I slept pretty good today until almost 2. I am looking forward to a couple of days off now. Then.... I do 3 nights in a row! Ouch! After that I will be back on days. I definitely prefer days. Nights has a different flavor to it that is good also. One of the things I have to consider is that I may have to do nights on future assignments. I pray the Lord prepare me for that if I need to. I'd rather do days but......It's in His hands. There is a new guy nurse on this shift that I've met. He has been working for only 6 months. More and more I run into new nurses. I forget that I am not new anymore. I have been around for almost 7 years! What a blessing! I can't believe it. God is so good..... All the time! I am a grateful man. The Lord has used this career to provide for me and my family. Thank you Jesus.
I'm done typin. I really didn't have much to say......So I thought I'd say it!

My nursing calendar had a list of favorite Christmas carols on the psychiatric ward. .........
The schizophrenic favorite tune?.........Do you hear what I hear!
I am working nights this week to help them out here in FL. While it's not really what I want to do, I felt led to be of service to them. I must follow the spirit as I feel led by it. AS time goes by, I get the sense of God's spirit more and more. I can also say that there are many times I haven't a clue what the Lord has in store for me. How can that be? Well, I know I need much more practice at listening to Gods still small voice. I've never heard an audible voice mind you, but the Lord has a way of making himself known. I do my best to listen; I just suck at it! Just kidding. Let's just say there is room for improvement.
It amazes me when I stop to think that I have been a practicing nurse since Feb. 1998. It seems like I just graduated. God has been good to us over the years. He has used my salary to take care of my entire family all these years. I thank God my wife has been able to be home with the children all the time. What a blessing. I am a grateful man. Grateful to God for making this happen. Grateful to Catherine for making the personal sacrifice of her own wants or desires to focus on only raising the children up to be Godly people. She could go in many different directions and try and do many things, but instead she has put her own wants aside for their betterment. She is the biggest example to me of God's loving hand upon my life. I never feel alone because I have a woman to trust and count on in life. I really feel like this is what God had in mind when it comes to the marriage relationship. Two people working as a team. Not my will, not her will, but God's will as number one in our lives. It's such a blessing. Thank you Lord.........
back to work. I'm exhausted! It's 3:30 in the morning! I am gonna dive under my covers when I get home in the morning.

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a single mom about raising children. She had many questions for me because, she was explaining how her daughter is now 17. When she was 16 she realized that her daughter had a secret boyfriend and they were having sex. She told me of the clearly wonderful relationship she has with her daughter now and how they are very open about things and how her daughter knows her mom cares for her and is there for her. She has had to explain things very plainly to her about birth control methods. Her main concern is that she not get pregnant at a young age and ruin her life. My friend tells me she was 16 when she had her daughter. There was a guy there but they broke up amicably. The father is involved in the child's life but just not as her mom's husband.
I applaud this woman's efforts. She has done her best to raise her daughter with good morals and to work hard. She has done it without a man to help her. God bless her for doing the best she can with what she has.
Her questions to me were something like this;
"What will you do when your daughter comes to you and asks to go to a movie with a boy? Will you give them a ride? Don't you think peer pressure is going to win out over what the parents think?"
Good questions. I told her that I can't just give a quick answer to these questions. They involve so much explanation. It's a strange thing. Even though we both live in the same world, we are worlds apart in many ways. We have raised our children to believe that the Word of God is true. That you do not take what you want out of the word and fit it into YOUR way of looking at things and go from there. It's that you do your best to adjust MY own way of thinking to the way God sees things. We have prayed for them.......Every single day........That's right every day since even before they were born! There are not many things I do every day. I eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, not much else. So to pray for them daily is a big thing. I think this has had a big impact on who they are; bigger than Catherine and I even realize. We did not teach them ideas as much as the absolute truth about who they are, and who God is. Absolute truth. God is God, and you were created in His image. You are loved by Him not because of anything you do but simply because of who you are......His child. He has given us guidelines to live by. They are there to protect us from evil influences and any other overall harm that may come to us in life. Sex relations are a gift from God. He created sex and every incredibly awesome feeling that comes from it! It was HIS idea! He wants us to absolutely enjoy it. We forget that sometimes. We think sex is dirty somehow; it's not. The problems come when any person,(yes, this is an absolute truth and not just an opinion), anyone at all tries to engage in this activity outside of God's guidelines. We have taught our children this and they believe it.....Because it is an absolute truth given to us by our Creator.
So you see our philosophy is totally different about relationships than many other people. I teach my children about relationships. They are with us all the time so Catherine and I are of primary influence over them and not the school system, or their peers. I am glad for this. We learn together through books, some television, and many many conversations about human behavior and emotions and feelings. The discussions we have are endless. I love when we just sit and talk and talk and talk. The other point is that peer influence is something I am not naive to. That is why we feel it is worthy of our best efforts to limit and closely monitor the peers that my children spend their time with. It is our responsibility to protect and guide them until they can go out on their own; oh, and another thing we discovered, is the value of positive Peer influence. We see it as our duty as parents to raise these children to become productive members of society, but mostly to honor God in the things they do. Time will tell. We hope and pray that our children do not grow up and have 9 heads. It seems to me that my children have great personalities, and are extremely knowledgeable of their own humanness. This helps them understand others. This will also aide them in having a good future. It's just another area where we feel like pilgrims. Not many people are living life the way we are trying to. There are some but you have to search for them. This is one thing we are thankful for in this country. The right to raise our children as we think we should, and the right for you to raise your children as you think you should. That's enough for now. I'm rambling.
god bless.

We have made it to Florida..............................
WE just finished up on 3 months in Virginia and are about to embark on 5 plus months here on the gulf side of Florida. I'm at the same hospital as last time. We have different living quarters but they are very nice. I have many many feelings. It is always difficult to deal with my emotions in these situations. I will show up tomorrow where I was last year and will see many of the same people I worked with before. I enjoyed their company but still feel nervous about seeing them again. There are times I want to just curl up in bed and wait for my feelings to go away. It's called escaping reality. In general, I am loving traveling with my family. In many ways I see the benefits. I believe it is binding us together as a family unit. We are all in this together. We are on a journey through life. In some ways we feel like adventurers on a journey. WE are pilgrims going about the states and trying to see all we can in each place we go. Our country is full of so many incredible sites! It has its difficult times...like the moving part. This time however, we have improved in our ability to pack and go. The children are really good at getting packed up. We have downsized how much STUFF we have each time. It's amazing how much we can live without. The children end up being a power of example when it comes to downsizing. While this is a difficult path we are on, it is rewarding in many ways. We are all getting a hands on education about the world. What is education anyways? This is the question we have answered differently as time goes by. One thing it is not, is stagnant sitting at a desk listening to someone else tell us what they THINK it is. We are all getting an education. It's pretty humbling to see your children become smarter than you about certain things. If I didn't have the teachers manual, I wouldn't be nearly as far behind their understanding of math as I am now!!........or something like that.
Well, I ca see that I am all over the place in this post. I apologize. I hope to snap out of this funk in time to go to work tomorrow. It is a blessing to be with my family everyday and know they are pulling for me. The world continues on no matter what's going on in my life. It is my hope and prayer that we are following our Creator on the path He has laid out for us.